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psychokekschen @ 2010-07-27T23: 20:00

Did you not promise me that I may someday be happy?
But when this is at some point?
Am I really so naive that I think I might just be happy to "his" side?
Am I even honest with me, but I'm already aware that he has earned me prop! Why should he?
What he does for me, for us? Nothing ... Or maybe he does very much .. It meets my feelings with your feet! I miss Marco
= (The conversation with him, which made me happy einfahc! Is funny without him ..
I hope he reads it and he knows that he meant a lot to me =) Although it may sound funny!

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self-reference

fight I want, not about you and not for you. I want to fight for me, for my own pride and my own realization.

How long was I miserably on the ground, have been thinking about lost time together and I completely lost myself in the surreal.

But after weeks of failure of my own existence and my own reality, I began to find my place again in society.

They allege I will not, I would myself now firmly in place which I have found me, but I can say that my heart and my soul are now free of pain.

also not the perfect pain I am now going on, but that pain the only fully conscious of thinking about it hurts.

However, I must confess that despite my development of the last week, I doubt can not be master. So I spend hour after hour with the processing of their own being and the statement about the fact that this creature was probably more of a child as adult.

It is this dichotomy between the two worlds can be, I often strive for my goals, because the youthful madness to live life with no expectations.

So I did not win the fight against society, but the struggle with oneself, one's own achievement in the world but not our own.

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beginning of improvement =)

separation is now already 4 or 5 weeks ago =) and me it goes really quite good about it =) is really nice .. we both go our way ..
contact I have with him what little he does not answer, too bad, but if he does not want it .. It is just so =)
University currently runs all supi, even though I'm afraid of this semester, mathematics, the asshole has again slipped in the timetable xD
is falling in summer =) maybe I am in this new = summer) in the right man =) it would be nice .. Have
girlfriend dispute with ner, but maybe something happened .. friends come and go, friends, true friends stay .. will exhibit the time-lord, where to classify them ..
Now I have resumed contact with Marco, kinda cool ... even if it's unusual is .. since we are still so familiar after such a long time .. thank you but is really nice =) And Alex should
times I say =) he has given me the side of her =) and thanks to him I feel better, because the soul of the writing is good! It is a kind of liberation, .. a kind of scream and finally a kind on which I just can not describe my feelings ... with the hope that it might irgednwann times who reads and those very same people I write about here rethink and know what they mean to me or not more: D
beautiful Sunday, I hope today at himself =) enjoy this day and let the soul to relax!

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The first start of the self-reference

I have understood .. it did not work between us .. I am the guilty one, I wanted to disappear up my shortcomings. You were a man came into my life who was there for me when I was at the heart and for the first time I had to be loved the feeling right ... You were the one who showed me what it means to live .. I thank you for it ..
I clipped out of fear losing out everything up, and this fear has now ruined everything .. I'm human, I'm having problems with my own self, but you have me as accepted as I am and I'm so grateful .. I never concentrated on the ground that I would not have indulged you make with friends, but for the reason eyed or that I saw in you my life my protector and I was afraid every minute without you I was alone again, was again the little girl and I was just afraid you let go, let you go ...
I had for years my Ruck sack on his back with all my problems this package crushed me, and then came thou. It felt so good to finally get rid of this heavy burden, to finally talk to a man, a man like you the way you are ..
I was finally strong again, by your side, I felt too much on your side ..
I hope you read these lines at some point, and understand that I did not do it because I wanted you bad, or you wish not fun, I did it because I could not help it .. I have promised you to change me, but it was not .. As it should go, all that I make my life long, from one to another moment to change ... I have kept up, was disappointed when you told me 100 times a day, that you love me .. I knew prop that you love me .. But I wanted to hear it over and over again because I had to hear it ...
I wanted to leave out, I wanted to tie up to me ... For that reason, because you showed me what life is .. Once you were not there, I was again small and vulnerable, when you were there and my hand have taken, I was finally a man who could be me ..
I'm expected to do too much, I expected from you that you rid of my problems, and I forget above all that you are a young man who also needs his fun ..
I was in your presence just the happiest girl because you were the first person in me did not see major problems in my family, but the inside of me .. saw his girl .. and I was so grateful that I had given my whole life for you .. and I knew that you love me, I forget to give you and your space .. I'm sorry .. I would change it so much, but I can not change it, not today, not tomorrow .. maybe never .. But I can promise you that I can try to change it, I would seek help .. It was wrong that I was to you, but I did not realize I did it unconsciously, from the fear out everything the people of the beduetet me so much that takes me like I'm losing .. I'm sorry ...

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strange feeling

all weird = (I just do not come through this separation of time .. no matter what I do, no matter what I do, everything reminds me ... what would I do to make it again so how in the beginning .. but again is non = (
It hurts to suddenly be without him to master the whole day without him, clearly he was not there before, but I knew I could write to him and he would call there ... Why do I have
NICT noticed earlier that it was wrong what I did = (
He was the one who had me taken out of my shell, he was there as I was not doing and yet I have given him every time the feeling that he had to prove anything to me ..
Every time I was with him, I felt so confident because I know he is there .. he keeps me by the hand and stand by me is gone .. and it is hardly, I fall again ind the hole ...
Perhaps, it is indeed back in a few months in a year .. maybe as friends =)
I should live, try to live .. I hope it succeeds =)
Maybe he reads these lines at some point, and he realizes that I am so very sorry I did .. maybe he can forgive me .. and maybe, one day we can laugh together again =)

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big day has come

And the day has occurred, the day I would have avoided so much! Is connection to Marc. but it is somehow okay .. it must be ok = yes (and I live with it! Perhaps it yes again .. maybe not .. fate of life =) aufjednefall was the best time of my life with him, I'm so infinitely grateful for so much =)
He now has short hair, kind of funny .. but also great for him =) I have today
durchgeheult half the day and got again talked with old friends and tomorrow will also do stuff together, that brings me to other thoughts =)
warn Maybe we both just too young, and irgednwann years in 2, it is again what =) Or tomorrow I meet my dream man, who knows already what the time!
I know now that Marc is for me an important person in my life and that will always be, regardless whether it be my friend or a friend.
I really love him and I think that goes well not really that fast, but I know if I love him I must let him go so he can be happy =) Maybe we are too again someday together .. but maybe not ..
It's okay =) I hope I can live with that, I have to live with it ... It was a really great experience and worth the time, a time in which I am pushed to my limits and I have also to be developed further as a human being .. I thank him =)
Life goes on, although I would like nothing more right now, like running away with him by my side, but life rarely thought of as = (

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psychokekschen @ 2010-03-31T21: 20:00

Why always me?? He said he shows!! But he tuts = not (How come he can not be easy in the fairest and say it to my face, why does it with so my feelings?
great last night, beautiful howling in front of Pc sitzen.Wow I've presented it to me. Every damn time, it is always the same = (Why do I done to deserve ... Why did he say I'm not coming = (Am I worth so little that you lie to me so I must ...
would love to leave this band aid Gwfühle .. but it does not work = (It's not easy! real despair for here! Maybe he noticed what he had published some time with me and how hurt he did me. I know ; that I hurt himself, but I apologized for it and wanted to change it .. Oh, it does not matter .. This band aid which would have been if situation, it sickens .. It's like this .. It's over .. schluss.ende out! Understand it .. Understand it simply, you you do yourself a huge favor to ...

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KRASS

OMG!! How cool it is easy .. it's just so hammer !!!!! Thorsten von Callejon has written to me in Facebook. and he will give me an autograph in karlsruhe and talk to me: D It's so great hammer .. I hope Marc is delighted with the surprise .. WUhaaa I'm just so over the top!

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Day 1

Everything has a beginning =) Also, Mira's Block now makes its debut!
first entry starting with the first day of the week, but it looks like a model meticulously ... But not so the girl who writes it;)
The day was quite okay, although somewhat variable. Today had the first time the feeling to have made in one area of my life, really good! Have passed all exams a bit self-pride is the first time again. He went in the last few weeks, unfortunately, lost. But the pride was again overthrown by doubt, why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to show him that I mean it really serious and that he is to me more like only true love. And already again I have to keep back the tears, too many thoughts about the beautiful times together, too much chaos in my head ... Chaos which I am just do not know where I stand, no longer master of my thoughts and feelings have to doubt about my own person and always growing.
However, even some hope is growing again, joy, great joy for the upcoming weekend and above all the hope that things will get better again.
God embarrassing, great first show of my own person starts already at the first super day!
It is feelings, I'm talking to me over and over again one ... But slowly I feel like it again from hour to hour is better. I love him, yes I know. But I am slowly beginning to hope and wish that my life again takes on the regulated life.
If it is not so, I can not blame me forever to make, as I fought to the bitter end (as the guys would say the dead trousers). If
maybe just learn to laugh again and to look ahead, is it! Just start to believe it!! And not only to question everything and to think .. Just re-learn to be a child to live a carefree life! And again lost in thought ... I love you \u0026lt;3